


You Light The Spark In My Bonfire Heart

by PrincessPersephone123



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Bromance, Coming Out, Dorks, Epic Bromance, Epic Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gay Remus Lupin, Gen, Hogwarts, Homosexuality, James Potter - Freeform, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Male Friendship, Male Homosexuality, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Mentor Minerva McGonagall, Moony - Freeform, Other, POV Remus Lupin, Padfoot - Freeform, Peter Pettigrew - Freeform, Pining, Pining Remus Lupin, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Prongs - Freeform, Remus Lupin & James Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Wormtail - Freeform, Young Remus Lupin, remus lupin - Freeform, sirius black - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 20:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18999835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessPersephone123/pseuds/PrincessPersephone123
Summary: Remus Lupin is an expert at pushing all of his best friends way and putting his guard up.But Remus didn't expect James Potter to always come back to him, no matter how hard he pushed him away.





	You Light The Spark In My Bonfire Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Where did all the people go?  
> They got scared when the lights went low.  
> I'll get you through it nice and slow,  
> When the world's spinning out of control. 
> 
> I know you don't believe it,  
> But I said it and I still mean it.  
> When you heard what I told you.  
> When you get worried, I'll be your soldier 
> 
> \- Soldier by Gavin DeGraw

Remus Lupin looks at the brown haired boy with kind hazel eyes which were focused the snitch. Right now, James Potter was playing with buzzing snitch as he ran his hand through his already unruly hair while Remus pretended to read a book under the dusky evening sunlight.

They were alone in a spot that was nearby the Great Lake that was quiet and serene. Not many students roamed the grounds as they had retired back to the castle and Remus Lupin was thankful for the privacy that they were given. Because privacy was of the essence for what he was about to say to James Potter.

Because what he was about to say to James could drastically make or break their friendship forever.

Remus took another look at James Potter and wondered why he had thought that this was a good idea. But then he knew why it was a good idea. It was because it was James, the bloke who had discovered that he was a werewolf and was not freaked out by it and instead worked hard to turn into an animagi so he could accompany Remus on his monthly night outs. It was James Potter who took down notes when Remus was too tired or when Remus didn't come to class. It was the James Potter who made Remus laugh and roll his eyes at his stupid puns and silly jokes. It was the James Potter who nicked a shitload of chocolate from Honeydukes because he knew about Remus' sweet tooth. It was the James Potter who would be Remus' wingman and try to match make Remus with pretty and nice girls even though in the end it wouldn't work out. It was James Potter who followed after him, even though Remus had punched him in a fit of anger and told him to stay away from him. It was James Potter who had smiled at Remus the next day with his very prominent black eye and asked him whether he was feeling alright.

It was always James Potter who had always been there for him.

Even if he didn't deserve it.

Remus winced and flinched at how he had treated his best and closest friends these few weeks. It wasn't personal. Or maybe it was. It was complicated.

All Remus knew was that he was scared of his best friends knowing who he was.

Remus had fallen in love. He had fallen in love with somebody he shouldn't have.

He had fallen in love with a dashing and charming person with flashing, wild, stormy grey eyes and a devilish grin. He had fallen in love with a person with gorgeous dark black locks and a lazy, beautiful laugh. He had fallen in love with a person possessing a wild heart and a youthful mind. He had fallen in love, deeply, irrevocably, madly and completely and he knew that he could never come back.

And that is why he distanced himself from his best friends. He was so obsessed with trying to come back and recover from this mad love, that he distanced himself from the people who cared about him most in the world. He snapped at Peter making the boy's eyes fill with tears, avoided Sirius like his life depended on it, and was incredibly and hurtfully rude to James. And a few days back had been the last straw. The Marauders had been having breakfast together and Sirius was bragging about his latest girlfriend and Remus just couldn't take it anymore. He was just so tired of everybody being in love and him just being a lonely, miserable werewolf that he just ..... snapped! Remus snapped at Sirius and told him specifically and in very colorful and hurtful language what he thought of him. Remus didn't mean it of course, all of what he was saying came from moments of frustration, misery and anger but Sirius had not backed down from giving Remus a piece of his goddamn mind. James and Peter had immediately tried to intervene but Remus had, had enough of it, of them in his life and had marched away. But although Peter and Sirius stood away and let him walk away, James did not let and did not want that to happen. He had run after Remus and grabbed onto his robes and asked Remus what was wrong only to be rewarded with a heavy and hard punch to his face by a growling Remus in front of the whole gasping Great Hall.

After that, all Remus remembers is James Potter groaning as he falls onto the floor, blood on his fist, and Professor McGonagall ushering him away from the Great Hall and him running away and escaping everything and not turning up for classes.

But what he doesn't expect is the next day, James Potter finding him sitting alone at breakfast, with a handful of copied notes specially made for Remus as he smiles gently at his best friend.

He still remembers it vividly and he thinks that he will never forget it because that was one of the moments that defined James Potter as a good man.

_He sits alone at breakfast, picking his food listlessly as he eyes Sirius and Peter hesitantly. They had left the dormitory earlier before him, so it was fairly obvious that they both were avoiding him. Remus couldn't blame him. After everything Remus had said and done to Sirius and Peter, he wouldn't blame them if they hated him and didn't want to be friends with him. Hell, Remus hated himself and he didn't even want to be friends with himself. The whole Great Hall was whispering and pointing and staring at him and Remus grew more and more annoyed but he tried his best to control it and not cause a scene. The Gryffindors were avoiding him too. That's why they had casted him into a corner and sitting as far away from him as possible as if he was an infectious disease. Remus had attacked the beloved Sirius and James; the Golden Guys of Gryffindor .... of course he was going to be casted out and bullied by his own housemates for that very reason._

_Remus sighed as he stuffed the tasteless scrambled eggs into his mouth and then observed as everyone's eyes had widened in shock and jaws had dropped in disbelief. Sirius was staring at him in betrayal and Peter was staring at him in disbelief and Remus wondered what could have warranted such a reaction when he saw a familiar figure with messy, unruly brown locks and bright red and gold Gryffindor colors sit down beside him._

_It was none other than James Potter._

_Remus stared at him in disbelief and discomfort and flinched as he took in the prominent and ugly black eye that marked James usually handsome face._

_James sat down beside him and nodded at Remus "Hey."_

_"Hey." said Remus as he looked at James feeling terribly guilty and ashamed._

_James stayed in silence as he served himself a generous plateful of bacon, eggs, pancakes dabbled with maple syrup ignoring the shocked, disbelieving and outraged looks that he was getting from the whole Great Hall and the Gryffindors. Remus looked at James as he did all this and started shoveling his food into his mouth and Remus bit his lip, not knowing what to say but also wanting to say how terribly sorry he was._

_James looked at Remus who was staring at him and Remus asked in a soft voice "What's up?"_

_James shook his head as he shrugged and flinched at the pain of the black eye making Remus flinch "Nothing much."_

_There was a few moments of silence and then James smiled at Remus as he reached into his bag and gave Remus a handful of copied notes with messy handwriting "Oh, you didn't come to classes yesterday, so I copied all your notes for you."_

_Remus swallowed, the guilt rushing through him because he didn't deserve to have a best friend like James "Thank you."_

_James nodded and stuffed the bacon into his mouth and Remus stared at the notes feeling tears spring into his eyes. He blinked it away and put the notes carefully into his bag._

_James looked at Remus with a gentle smile "So, I was thinking - since we're behind our studies and exams are coming fast at us - so we should start studying. What do you think?"_

_"Sounds great, bro." said Remus tiredly with a smile "I haven't studied anything."_

_James grinned at Remus and then said "So I was thinking we should all meet in the library and start making proper notes. You, me, Peter and Sirius. You up for it?"_

_Remus swallowed as he looked nervously at James with a small, weary smile "Isn't he pissed at me?"_

_James sighed as he looked down and then he looked at Remus looking muddled and gentle at the same time "It's just that we don't understand what's been going on with you lately."_

_"With me?" asked Remus as he bit his lip._

_"Yes!" exclaimed James as he put his hand on Remus' shoulder "What's up with you? Why are you acting like such a dick these days?"_

_Remus didn't snap at James, he knew James had the right to call him that. He knew that James was coming from a place of genuine concern and care. Out of everyone he knew, James cared enough to come back to him and ask him what was wrong even when Remus pushed him away. Remus felt tears spring into his eyes again as he swallowed and started to speak._

_"It's just I've been feeling tired and alone these days. The full moon is coming up and it's worse than usual." said Remus his voice cracking in misery as he told the truth and the lie to James who was listening carefully and attentively "And I can't sleep. I lose my mind out of the blue for anything. It's not me but it happens."_

_James who listened to his friend took all that in and after a moment of silence nodded in understanding and asked Remus "Want to skip the first period and go to Honeydukes? We could eat some chocolate, talk a little."_

_Remus felt the weight in his heart lift a little as he smiled at James and shook his head "No, I can't. I already missed a full day of classes yesterday."_

_"Okay." said James with a sweet smile and an understanding nod as he put his arm around Remus and pulled him into a forgiving and healing hug "If you need to talk or anything ... I'm here."_

Remus also remembered how on the same day after his Transfiguration class, Professor McGonagall had called him into her office with a look that clearly meant 'You're in trouble young man'

_Remus sat meekly in front of Professor McGonagall's desk as she looked at him piercingly with a look that made Remus feel as if she knew everything about him._

_"You shouted at Mr. Black in highly inappropriate vocabulary?" asked Professor McGonagall from Remus as she looked at him sternly._

_"Yes." said Remus stubbornly, not knowing why Professor McGonagall was asking this because she was there when it happened._

_"You called him a man - whore?" asked Professor McGonagall raising her eyebrows as she emphasized on the last two words._

_Remus flushed but replied stubbornly "Yes."_

_"Then you proceeded to punch Mr. Potter who wished to know whether you were in a right state of mind?" asked Professor McGonagall in a disbelieving yet strict voice._

_Remus felt guilt flood through him but he lifted his chin up and faced Professor McGonagall stubbornly "Yes."_

_There were a few moments of uncomfortable and tense silence and then Professor McGonagall sighed "Have a biscuit, Lupin."_

_Remus was startled at her words because that was not what he had been expecting "What?"_

_"Have a biscuit." repeated Professor McGonagall with utmost practiced patience that only came from being in the profession of teaching for many years as she passed the tin of Ginger Newts to Remus._

_Remus took a Ginger Newt gingerly and took a small bite and then Professor McGonagall nodded as she began to speak "Now, tell me everything."_

_"Professor, there isn't anything to tell." said Remus trying to get out of the mess he had created._

_But Professor McGonagall wasn't having it "Cut the crap, Lupin. You're a bright, intelligent, compassionate and well behaved student. You're the pride of Gryffindor. But lately, you have been behaving in a manner that is - not who you are. So, tell me what's wrong?"_

_Remus stayed quiet for a few moments and swallowed as he began to speak slowly "I've been having trouble sleeping lately." It was the truth. He tossed and turned all night and he had tried everything to get sleep but it wasn't working. "I usually get a little sleep around only like 5AM but that's not sleep at all."_

_Professor McGonagall listened attentively as Remus continued "I think this is what's affecting my grades and my behavior, Professor."_

_Professor McGonagall was silent for a few moments and then said "Well, that's what's causing all of this trouble?"_

_"Yes." said Remus nodding his head and then paused as he nervously began to speak "I was wondering whether you could - or Madam Pomfrey could - um - give me something to ... to sleep? Like a sleeping draught? A potion?"_

_Professor McGonagall looked at Remus thoughtfully "Sleep deprivation is a grave issue, Mr. Lupin. How long have you been experiencing this issue?"_

_"A while actually." said Remus trying to act casual about it but swallowed as he said the next words "But things got pretty bad this month. Last night, I only got one hour of sleep."_

_"Is everything okay at home?" asked Professor McGonagall as she looked at Remus with concern._

_"Why is that coming up?" asked Remus defensively. His parents were a touchy topic and he did not particularly enjoy talking about them, especially his father._

_"So you don't want to talk about them?" asked Professor McGonagall understandingly._

_"Not really. Can we move on, please?" asked Remus trying to be polite but firm._

_"Well, perhaps if you don't want to talk to me, you can talk to one of the Healers at St. Mungo's." said Professor McGonagall as she nodded at Remus._

_"What? No. I don't need to talk to anybody." said Remus in disbelief and surprise "I just want a sleeping potion to help me to sleep."_

_"You don't want to talk to anyone?" asked Professor McGonagall seriously._

_"No." said Remus as he shook his head._

_"And you don't want to talk to me either?" asked Professor McGonagall her voice serious but containing a hint of amusement._

_"No." said Remus immediately and then trying to redeem himself "No offense, Professor."_

_"None taken." said Professor McGonagall graciously and then looked at Remus in concern "But you should talk to someone."_

_The next question Professor McGonagall asked took Remus by surprise and would forever remain engraved in his mind "Do you have any friends, Remus?"_

_Remus sighed as he thought of James, Sirius and Peter and answered honestly "Of course, I do."_

_"Do you talk to them?" asked Professor McGonagall, trying to help Remus._

_Remus thought back to how he had acted these days with his closest friends, pushing them away when he needed them the most and sighed "Not any more."_

_Professor McGonagall sighed as she looked at the lonely and miserable student in front of her "Remus, do you have someone you can talk to? Someone you can lean on? Someone you trust with your life?"_

_The image of a boy with brown unruly and messy hair, a charming grin and a kind heart flashed before Remus and it was gone as quick as it had come._

_But it had given something Remus hadn't had in a long time._

_Hope._

_And that's why Remus had searched all throughout Hogwarts for those understanding hazel eyes and bright red and gold colours. And he had found James Potter, in the middle of a crowd, accompanied by Sirius and Peter as he commanded the attention of everyone with his charisma and charm. Remus watched from afar, his best friend laughing and talking with Sirius and Peter and waited until Sirius and Peter left to approach James. After Sirius and Peter left for class, Remus walked slowly and nervously towards James who was chatting and flirting with a bunch of pretty girls, making them swoon and laugh with every single word he said. As Remus approached James, James lifted his head and saw Remus, and smiled at Remus in greeting._

_"Hey, Remus!" greeted James enthusiastically as he tore his attention away from the ladies and focused on Remus and hugged his best friend._

_Remus hugged James back, cherishing it because this could very well be the last hug of their friendship "Hey. What are you guys doing tonight?"_

_James put his arm around Remus and they walked away from the girls "Surprisingly, no one wants do anything. Sirius has detention, Peter has a date and I'm just alone with you."_

_"What are you up to now?" asked Remus quietly as he smiled at James._

_"I don't know. Maybe go back to the common room." said James quietly, sensing that his best friend had something big on his mind._

_"No big plans, I'm free." Remus swallowed as he nodded "Do you want to - maybe walk with me? It's a really nice evening and I was thinking of catching up on some missing reading at this new spot I discovered."_

_Remus expected James to tease him for studying on a lovely evening but he nodded with a grin as he put his arm around Remus "Sure, Moony. Your wish is my command."_

_"You're not a genie." replied Remus with a snarky grin._

_"I could be." replied James as he ruffled Remus' hair with a laugh_

 

And that's how they had ended up here with Remus trying to read his book but laughing at James jokes about Dumbledore's beard being fake while he played along with the snitch. And this was it. This was what Remus had missed for so long when he had distanced himself from his best friend. The peace in laughing at the stupidest and silliest things, their little but special talks about everything and nothing, the absolute acceptance of each other and the love they had for each other. This was it. And even if, by chance, by possibility, if everything was to go wrong and it was to come to an end, Remus would still remember these moments fondly and affectionately. 

There was a silence between them but it was comfortable. There was no need to fill it in with unnecessary words or heroic actions. It was just still and calm and peaceful. It was everything to Remus. 

And Remus knew he couldn't keep hiding any longer. Remus knew that he had to tell what he was feeling to James no matter how he reacted. Remus knew that it was better to be truthful and honest, open and authentic than hide in the darkness where it was unpleasant and horrible. 

And so Remus stiffened as he took a deep breath and gathered all his courage for this very moment and began to speak "Do you remember when you said you didn't know what was going on with me lately?"

James caught the snitch as he hummed in agreement to Remus' statement and Remus continued "James, I haven't told you something actually."

James looked at Remus giving him all his attention "What is it?"

Remus swallowed as he said the next few words "I like someone."

James lips grew into a mischievous smile "Dorcas?"

"No, not Dorcas." said Remus as he shook his head. Remus had dated Dorcas for a while but he had realized that it wasn't going to work out and they had split up.

"Who is it, then?" asked James in curiosity. 

"Can't you guess?" asked Remus with a little smile. 

"Um, no, Moony. I don't understand anything when it comes to you lately." said James sassily in good humor making Remus chuckle. 

There was a few moments of comfortable silence and then James grinned in mischief "Is it Marlene?"

"Marlene?!" exclaimed Remus in shock while laughing along with James "What in the name of Merlin!"

"What do I know?" asked James as he laughed, glad to see Remus laughing after such a long time "You tutor her for Transfiguration and Charms so I thought you might like playing dirty in the library."

Remus rolled his eyes at James as he laughed "No, no. It's not Marlene."

James nodded his head as he smiled at Remus "Then, I have no idea, Moony."

There was a moment of silence and Remus bit his lip in nervousness as he said "I'll give you a hint."

James nodded his head in agreement and Remus stayed silent for a few moments before he blurted out in nervousness.

"It's not a girl."

There was complete silence at those words and the only sounds that could be heard were the breeze blowing through the leaves and the distant laughter of the students and the lapping of the water in the Great Lake and the chirping of birds. Remus felt his heart freeze with terror as he sucked in a breath and looked at James Potter who had apparently frozen at those four simple yet meaningful words and now was wearing a thoughtful expression. 

Remus felt himself start to spiral, he had been so stupid telling his deepest secret to James but then James Potter looked at him with a serious and thoughtful expression that made Remus freeze in fear and anticipation of what might happen. 

The words that came out of James mouth were the words that Remus was not expecting at all.

"Is it me?" 

Remus heart started pounding in relief and he started laughing in disbelief and relief because that was such a James Potter question to ask. "You? What the hell? No, no, no. It's definitely not you."

James smiled adorably as he looked at a flustered and laughing Remus fondly "What? Am I completely unattractive to you?"

Remus shook his head as he chuckled in relief, as he looked at James with a happy smile, knowing everything was going to be alright "No, it's nothing like that. It's just not you."

James chuckled with a wide grin and then a thoughtful expression dawned on his face as he sighed and looked at Remus "Is it Sirius?"

Remus swallowed and smiled sadly as he nodded in affirmation and James nodded silently in understandingly and then smiled teasingly "Well, he's extremely handsome."

Remus was taken aback as he looked at James and began to laugh "What?"

"He is a hot guy, isn't he?" asked James with a grin as he chuckled along with Remus "What am I supposed to tell you, Moony?"

Remus chuckled at James feeling at peace and then James asked "So what's the deal with you two?"

"Actually. It's kind of complicated." said Remus with a sigh and James looked at Remus listening to him attentively "I've fallen in love with Sirius. And I know he's supposed to be my best friend but I can't help it. I can't come back."

Remus sees James looking at him understandingly and attentively and he shrugs and swallows "But he has a girlfriend. And every time I see him, he's kissing her. I'm just so lost."

James sighed as he took Remus' hand in his, and squeezed it comfortingly as he sighed. "I'm sorry, Moony. That fucking sucks."

"Yeah." said Remus as he sighed feeling a bit better at the comfort and friendship offered by James Potter. 

They stayed in peaceful silence for a few moments and then James Potter looked at his best friend with a serious and affectionate expression. 

"By the way." began James looking fondly at Remus as he smiled sincerely at his best friend "I think, Sirius should really dump the girl."

Remus smiled brilliantly,brightly and happily at James at those words, as his heart filled with thankfulness and love for his best friend James Potter. He had feared for the worst and James had come along and did what he did best, proved him wrong by loving him and accepting him for who he truly was. James always surprised Remus in the most unexpected ways and this time he had done it again. Remus felt safe and happy and accepted, he felt like he was floating on air. In that moment, Remus felt happiness and peace in the infinite and extreme form that he had never felt before and he knew that no matter what lied ahead everything was going to be alright.  

James grinned at Remus affectionately as he pulled Remus into a loving, brotherly hug and ruffled his hair playfully making Remus laugh and James chuckle.

And as they laughed and played around, Remus realized something. 

James Potter was his brother, his best friend and with James by his side, Remus was never going to be truly alone ever again. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by SKAM Italia's finest ... Martino and Giovanni. I just wanted to write something special for James and Remus because I felt that this is how their friendship would be too. 
> 
> Thank you for reading my work, it means so much to me. 
> 
> If you like it, please leave kudos and comments and constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
